It took God over 15 years to restore my soul. It was completely ripped to shred when fear for my life and wanting the best for my kids forced me to make a decision that I regretted. Not being a part of their lives for so long left them wounded and scarred for life.What was I thinking? I was sure that by the time they were adults they would be able to look back with new found intelligence and understand what happened and why I was MIA. But like all of my dreams this one has gone belly up. My youngest son wants nothing to do with me. My daughter who was until recently my best friend is also not speaking to me and once again my soul is torn apart. I am tempted to get on the next plane back to Florida and never again attempt any form of contact with them. The pain is so great I feel like I am suffocating. I missed so much and now any hope of building a relationship with them is slipping away. I refuse to spend the rest of my life kissing their behinds to be a part of their lives. They want blood and I do not have it to spare.
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