Friday, October 19, 2012

WEDDINGS

Tonight I got drunk and watched "my fair weddings" and at 50 years old I had to admit one thing to myself.  I WANT THAT. I got married at 18 but it was a rushed affair with a dress from the goodwill and in the living room of a best friends mom who had just got her ministerial license...mail order. Most poor black girls do not allow themselves to dream of a wedding, it is viewed as an expense we cannot afford. We never aspire to be more than a "baby's mama" or a live-in piece of ass. To us it is a white girls privilege and not something we can aspire to. I want a man that loves me enough to want to see me walk down an isle, looking like a princess and vowing to love me now and forever and actually meaning it. I want the whole nine yards.  I want the female experience. But I know for me it is too late. I know there will never be anyone willing to give me this or love me like that. My time has come and gone. That is why I sit and cry alone alone in the dark the one man that asked me to marry him treated me like gum on the bottom of his shoe and I have not found one to treat me any better. I guess I was not meant to for the fairy tale. That is the rule and I am the exception.

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